Moments
by Draco Libro
Summary: Rukia's thoughts during the Soul Society arc. One-sided RenRuki, IchiRuki at the end.


There was the moment when they had first met, a pair of ragged kids living on the streets of the Rukon district.

"I'm Rukia," she had introduced herself.

"I'm Renji," he muttered in return, not looking at her. At first, they had stuck together for survival purposes. The streets were safer with someone to watch your back and get you out of trouble. Then somehow, without meaning to, they became friends. She realized it when he came back bloody and bruised from a fight with some much older and stronger kids.

"You shouldn't start a fight like that unless I'm around to help you," she informed him, and from then on, there was the unspoken assumption that if one of them was in trouble, the other would be there.

There was the moment when someone, for no reason at all, threw a rock at them and she pushed him out of the way. The rock hit her head, and she blacked out. When she woke, Renji was yelling at her.

"Why did you do something so stupid? You could've died!"

"I was just protecting you," she replied, irritable because of the pain in her head.

"Well don't, if you're just gonna get hurt. I hate it when you get hurt."

There was the moment when she, not meaning anything by it, just wanting some kind of reassurance, reached out and grasped his hand. He jerked away and stared at her.

"What did you do that for?" he demanded.

"Nothing," she answered, puzzled by the hot flush rising up his face.

There was the moment when he brought her a flower, a white lily that had already begun to wilt in the sun. When she smiled and thanked him, he shrugged and muttered that it was nothing, which meant he was pleased with her reaction.

There was the moment when they stood before the graves of those who hadn't been as lucky as them, and agreed, "Let's become Soul Reapers." He started to lean in closer to her, but pulled back when she looked at him. At the time, she thought that he had been about to say something to her but decided against it.

There was the moment at the Soul Reaper Academy when they heard two older students talking in loud voices that were clearly meant to be overheard.

"The kind of people they're letting in nowadays! Those Rukon brats can't have any real spiritual pressure." Renji scowled.

"Don't start a fight here," Rukia warned him. "They'll threaten to kick you out of the Academy again." He probably would have walked away if one of the students, annoyed at their lack of reaction, hadn't shoved her face first against the wall. She felt her nose break and tasted blood. Renji managed to land several punches on the students before the fight was broken up.

"I told you not to," she reminded him a few hours later, after patiently reassuring him that she would not bleed to death from a broken nose.

"And I told you that I hate it when you get hurt," he replied. "They started it, so I won't get kicked out."

"You're all right, aren't you?" she asked.

"Yeah," he said. "I'm fine." He put his arm around her, drawing her closer to him. And still, somehow, she didn't understand what he meant.

There was the moment when she was faced with a choice, a black chasm that she was afraid to cross. When she told him in a low voice, "The Kuchiki family wants to adopt me," she wanted him to tell her to stay, to let this opportunity pass because it wouldn't mean anything if she left him behind like this, they had to stick together. Instead he laughed, telling her she was lucky. She could tell he didn't mean it- but why was he saying it if he didn't mean it? Did he really not care that she would be alone now, without the one person who had always been there for her? She made her choice.

There was the moment- several moments really- when she stumbled over the word "brother," wondering why she had only ever thought of Renji as a friend when he felt more like a brother to her than Byakuya ever could.

There were moments when she wondered if she and Renji could ever have been more than friends.

There was the moment in the rain when she saw the flash of his sword, felt the stinging pain, and yet couldn't believe that he had really cut her until she touched her cheek and saw the blood on her hand.

_I hate it when you get hurt._ But now there was someone who hated it more, because he was the one stabbed and bleeding on the ground for her. She had thought Renji was the only person she would willingly trade her own life for. Now, she was walking towards her own execution so that Ichigo could live just a few moments longer.

Awaiting her death, there was plenty of time to think about these moments, to understand the things she had not understood before. She knew now what Renji had been trying to say when he gave her the flower, when he leaned closer to her, when he said he hated it when she got hurt. And she knew that she couldn't say it back.

_I'm sorry._

If he had taken his chances when they still existed, if he had told her to stay, if he had tried to explain himself, it could have been different. But each time the chance was there, he hesitated. The moments passed. Whatever could have been was gone now.

_I'm sorry._

She did not expect to live much longer. But if she could have had one final wish granted, she would have wished for just a few more moments, long enough to tell Renji that she understood now. She wanted to tell him that she didn't blame him for the moments of pain and that she remembered the moments of happiness. But those moments with him were in her past, not her future.

_ Sayonara. _


End file.
